


Whole Lotta Rosie

by greenkangaroo



Category: The Hobbit, Tolkien - Fandom
Genre: AU-Modern Times, F/M, Gen, M/M, Nori works for the police sometimes, and Bombur cooks and is adorable, and small domestic disputes, and together they are cuties, like when Nori doesn't hang up his goddamn towel, with occasional visits from friends and family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-06 07:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenkangaroo/pseuds/greenkangaroo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of oneshots, not in any kind of chronological order, continuing the life and love of Bombur Broadbeam and Nori Rivers from chapter 87 of Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tomcats

**Author's Note:**

> Due to popular demand (and my own remarkable lack of willpower) I'll be exploring more of Nori and Bombur and their adorable domestic lives here in Whole Lotta Rosie. These shorts won't be in any kind of order and in theory will cover the lives of Bombur and Nori both apart and together. There is no update schedule and prompts are always welcome in my askbox over on tumblr- you can find me under greenekangaroo.

_Based on Moonrose91's prompt: The first cat Nori brings back with him after a stake-out or something. A scraggly, half-eared, thing that, despite looking like it will be the evilest, most foulest cat to ever walk the earth, will adore Bombur and Nori with all it's shriveled little husk of a heart and attack Dori whenever the need arises._

 

\---

 

The cat had followed Nori home. 

That was what he insisted on, anyway, and since Nori was half-asleep on his feet and the creature just looked so pathetic in the carrier Bombur couldn't say no, he led both of his tomcats inside and put one to bed while the other got a can of tuna. 

The cat was not _pretty,_ there was no denying that. He was a big animal, a gray-brown tiger with one ear torn to pieces and molten orange eyes, one of which was stuck in a permanent squint due to scarring, rigid and white. His tail was a little crooked but when Bombur fed him he purred and presented his wedge-shaped head for scratches. Bombur laughed, created a makeshift litter box, and waited for Nori to wake up. 

That the cat would stay was hardly a question; Nori wouldn't hear of getting rid of him. "That animal followed me and Dwalin for three days, Bombur. Besides, you've fed him, and we both know what happens when you feed stray cats." 

Bombur had laughed and blushed and pulled Nori in for a kiss. The cat yowled and put his paws up on the table. Nori picked him up and placed him next to the vase of flowers. 

"Don't do that!" Bombur said. "It'll teach him bad habits." 

The cat began gnawing on the decorative grass. 

"Too late." Nori said. 

\---

Everyone had an opinion on what the cat's name should be. 

"He looks like a Tiger to me." Bofur had offered as the cat sat in his lap and got covered in pine shavings from the man's newest carving, purring like a motorboat. Bifur disagreed; he thought that the cat should have a more noble sounding name, like Reginald or Fredrick. 

Ori declared that the tomcat didn't look anything like a Fredrick and said, while rubbing his ears, "Maybe Solomon?"

Fili and Kili were holding out for Boggins, which Bilbo did not appreciate at all. 

"He really is quite sweet." Bilbo said, petting the animal as he sipped his afternoon tea, "But he looks so fiercesome. Perhaps Smaug?" 

"Smaug?" Nori asked, wrinkling his nose. "Why would I name a cat-" 

The buzzer rang. 

"Hold that thought." Nori went to the door. The Cat hopped off of Bilbo's lap and followed. He had learned that generally good things came through the door. 

That was not quite the case. 

\---

Bombur had no idea which version of the story was true, Bilbo's or Nori's. To hear Bilbo tell it, Dori had merely been dropping by to ask if Nori was going to be attending a function at Ori's University, and the cat had taken offense to him putting his hat down too close to where the animal was sitting on the counter. Nori's version said that the cat had simply launched himself at Dori in a howling, spitting fury of righteous furry rage. 

Regardless, the Cat finally had a name. 

"He's Sweets!" Nori exclaimed, holding up the purring mass for Bombur to see. 

Bombur just laughed, shook his head, and gave both of his tomcats a kiss.


	2. Important Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who works in a group brings important things to the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T for Nori's potty mouth.

When Nori took on his sort-of consulting job, he brought with him many important skills. 

He knew how a thief thought, and that was important. He knew how to get into and out of just about anywhere and that was also important for all Dwalin Fundinson growled at him. He had 'friends', contacts, one night stands, dealers and mentors who were all in their own way important because they helped him do his job whether they liked it or not, whether they were aware or not. 

Nori was unbreakable. He could bend and bend and bend, but he always sprung back. It was the kind o f strength born from living lives most of the men who were technically his coworkers couldn't understand. They had not been on the street. They had not seen what Nori had seen. They respected that, respected _him_ after a fashion. Nori was a fun guy to talk to. Maybe he wasn't entirely trustworthy and he never acted like he was, but in a jam Nori Rivers was the best damn consultant that they had ever had. 

Of course there was one other very important thing that Nori brought to the table. 

Namely, coffee. 

The coffee at the office was awful. Terrible. There was no way to describe it in polite company, though Gloin had come closest with 'jet fuel left to mingle with lime juice and asphault." 

Still, it was coffee. They all drank it. 

Then one day, grumbling and tagging along behind Dwalin as they headed to a briefing, Nori unscrewed the cap on a thermos. 

The bullpen became a meerkat colony. As he followed his partner down to the conference room officers keep glancing up, following their noses. 

It smelled amazing. It was dark and rich and sort of nutty, and they all wanted it. 

Nori was confused. 

"It's coffee." he said when Balin delicately asked what he was drinking. "You know. Java? Joe? cafe?" 

"Oh, we know." Gloin said. "It smells amazing." 

"It smells like _coffee_ what the fuck you guys need to get out more." 

"Any particular brand?" Another officer asked.

"Wha-no god damn it it comes in a can I don't fuckin' know." Nori was calculating the distance to the street from the window and wondering who had managed to drug the entire precinct in the twelve hours he'd been gone. 

A more subtle interrogation yielded useful information. The coffee was brewed in the morning by Nori's boyfriend/domestic partner/definitely better other half and poured for him just before he left for work, on the mornings when such things could happen. It was apparently the same brand used in a diner not far from the precinct. 

And it was lunch hour. 

\---

Bombur had never seen that many policemen in his _life,_ and for one horrified moment his mind drifted to honor guards and funerals. 

Then a familiar head of short-cut, slicked back brown hair appeared. Nori had climbed on top of one of the tables, waving his arm about. The red courderoy sleeve of his jacket was like a beacon against all the uniforms. 

"Nori?" Bombur asked cautiously. There didn't seem to be any handcuffs, at least none on his lover. The officers had all fallen silent when he approached and now were watching him with faces remarkably similar to Sweets' when the cat didn't get fed in what he thought was a reasonable timeframe. 

"Bombur, darlin'," Nori said, "Save me." 

Bombur did as requested, wading into the police with 'excuse me' and 'pardon me' and 'watch your feet!'. Nori grabbed him about the neck and clung like a baby sloth and, chuckling, Bombur worked his way back out of the crowd. With Nori still hanging about his neck he turned to the eight or so officers and said, "What can I get for you?" 

Their requests were unanimous. 

\---

The coffee that the precinct supplied was free. 

Everyone gave poor Balin the honor of throwing the rest of it out. One rookie played taps on a kazoo he kept in his desk. 

Where the sack of old coffee used to sit, someone placed a large jar. Spare change was tossed in. The smell of nutty, dark coffee slowly pushed out the jetfuel with lime. 

Nori just threw his hands in the air and kept to his thermos. 

"You're lucky." A rookie told him. 

Nori grinned. "I know." he said, and sipped his coffee, and went home at night to someone who loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They think those are good, Nori'll be beating guys off with a stick after they taste bombur's pastries. 
> 
> I make no apologies for the soppishly adorable mess this entire fic collection is clearly going to become.


	3. The Sound Of Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bifur could hear, once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of past trauma. Vague timelines.

Bifur had not always been deaf. 

The night it happened, it was raining. Bofur thought there was something intrinsically unfair with that, that that same stupid cliche, which only worked in movies, could have its way in reality. The roads were slick, the oncoming car had a drunk driver blinded by the headlights on the wet pavement. 

Bifur woke up to a world that was cold and dark and _silent. ___

__Recovery had been long, and slow, and painful. Bifur Broadbeam had been reduced from an independent laborer to damn near invalid. He had to relearn how to walk, how to speak; his hearing was gone entirely._ _

__Bofur and Bombur had done their best. Their cousin had been there for them, when their father went off the deep end of a bottle; it was their turn, and they stepped up to the plate without complaint. They worked the hours needed to cover the bills, hours that gave them the flexibility to get Bifur to countless appointments with an endless litany of doctors. Bombur dropped out of culinary school, Bofur picked up more time on the construction site. They moved into a place together, the three Broadbeam bachelors, far from the comfortable old house that had saddled them with more debt than they could imagine. It was small. and cramped. It was home._ _

__Bifur learned to talk again. His lips felt stupid but his hands were just as swift as ever, livlier as if to compensate for the sudden silence that had taken hold. They took sign language classes together, made up family signs no one else knew. Dwalin helped; but what really cemented it, what brought Bifur back, was Fili._ _

__The little child tried and tried and tried again. He read books, demanded that his mother take him to classes, because he wanted to talk to Mr. Bifur. Bifur took the boy's attentions gracefully, assuming as Bofur and Bombur did that his interest would flag._ _

__It did not. Fili got older and kept learning. He would have whole conversations with Bifur, without uttering a single sound. Everyone in their circle picked up a little bit, of course, but Fili was a duck in water._ _

__The dark world that Bifur had woken up in was not so dark after all._ _

__It was to Fili that Nori went, once a week, every Wednesday afternoon when he could spare the time._ _

__The first time he said 'hello' to Bifur, he very nearly said something else entirely. He turned red and Bifur laughed and corrected him, his short callused fingers curling around Nori's long, lithe ones._ _

__'like this'. He signed._ _

__Bifur met the woman of his dreams. He had children who could talk, and sign. He had family who he remembered hearing, and family he could only imagine hearing._ _

__Yet when Bombur's face lit up at the sight of Nori walking in the door, Bifur would swear- after decades of silence- that happiness had a sound._ _


	4. Bad Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something that drives a wedge in every relationship.  
> This wedge is made of terrycloth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tagath mentioned that my tags said something about towels.  
> And awwwaayy we go!

Nori loved towels. 

He couldn't explain it, of course, and didn't bother trying; but when one grew up _without_ something, and then had access to it all the time whenever they wished, that thing took on meaning that exceeded excessive and moved towards biblical. Bombur had such nice taste in towels. They were always perfectly matched, wonderfully thick things that were almost blankets for the weave of their cotton. Bombur, of course, had his own special bath sheets for his bulk. Those were Off Limits. Nori sometimes ignored this rule and wrapped up in them, giggling like a naughty schoolboy and fleeing when Bombur began to chase him around. 

The fact that Nori loved towels did not in any way, shape, or form, influence the habit he had developed of leaving them _everywhere._

Bombur could always tell when Nori had come home and taken a shower; there were towels laying crumpled on the bedroom floor, staged like a fine lady's dress and stockings in some period film. Occasionally Nori would wander about doing things as he dried and would drop the towel the moment he felt he had finished, continuing on as naked as the day he was born and leaving the cloth on the tiled floor of the kitchen or in the mud room hallway. 

It drove Bombur insane. 

"Could you please pick up your towels?" He would ask. 

"But you're there to do it for me!" Nori would almost whine. Bombur could understand Dori in those moments. (of course then he remembered that Dori had turned his back on his brother when Nori needed him most and he promptly took the thought back, but that didn't stop him having it.)

Bombur did all he could to combat the problem. He bribed-

"I will make your favorite jelly roll if you hang up your towels." 

He pleaded-

"If we ever have company, what will the neighbors think? I can hardly chase you around all day, Nori please!" 

He threatened-

"You are sleeping on the couch, you hear me?"

(only he never _really_ made Nori sleep on the couch, because the words were enough to put that look in his eyes- that wild and dark look like an injured animal, and Bombur loved him too much to ever carry through even though perhaps not putting his foot down was just unhealthy.)

Nothing worked. 

Once- only once- had Bombur well and truly exploded. It had been an awful day at work. Customers had been terrible, the weather was wet, the shipment of tubers was late and Bofur had been clipped by a car crossing the street. Bifur had nearly had a breakdown; Bombur had been sitting with him for two hours when Nori arrived at the hospital, breathing hard. He'd run from the cab when the rush hour traffic got bad. 

"Go home." He said to Bombur. "I'll stay." 

Bombur did go home, if only to cook something and calm his nerves.

There were the towels, all bunched up on the floor as Nori had run for the phone when Bombur had called him. 

Bombur called him. The diatribe was fierce and angry and Bombur hadn't realized he was yelling until Nori said, so quiet in comparison to his volume, "I'll be home later. I love you." 

Bombur had burned dinner and gone to sleep angry, back facing the door. 

He felt the warmth against him at midnight. 

"Bofur's fine." Nori murmured. "He's been discharged."

Bombur didn't say anything. 

"I'm sorry." Nori whispered. "I didn't know it annoyed you so much." 

Bombur could _feel_ Nori withdrawing, pulling into himself, trying to get ready to run as once he had but just not able to, because here he had a job and a home and someone who missed him when he was gone. Bombur rolled over and crushed Nori to him. Never were their differences in size more evident than in bed; it would take a great deal of flailing to break free. Nori didn't particularly want to. 

"I'm sorry." Bombur said. "I didn't mean it." 

"You did, a little." Nori said. 

"Maybe a little." Bombur admitted. "Is Bofur annoyed I didn't stay?" 

"He heard you on the phone. He threatened me with his IV." 

Bombur chuckled at that and kissed Nori's cheek. "...I'll install towel rods." He said. 

"No," Nori said. "I will." 

"Fine. But I get to pick them out." 

"Deal." 

If guests who arrived at the Rivers-Broadbeam household found it odd that there was a towel rod in nearly every room- matched perfectly with how the area was decorated- they never said anything. 

Bombur had to admit that having a wet, naked Nori come grumbling out of the bathroom to check the nearest rod for a towel was well worth it. 

Their families, of course, called them crazy. 

Nori would forever love towels.


End file.
